Im not the only one

apparently im not the only one who feel this, one of my friend did asked a 'male', she asked that, why did love so selfish, sometime so lovable, sometime the guys....hmmm... 'three minutes hot', it means by, starting couple, well it goes very well, everyday on call, text what they're doing, text where are they, text on EVERYTHING!!!! Well, her question tick on my mind, what really goes in my mind, it really ticking, ticking, ticking.... then i joined in the conversation, and listened to a guy...(a lot of reasons). he said, at first, ya of course, excited man...if you get closer to others, hmmm get into HULK... meet in everyday, after a while, then this boy will less doing on what they usually did. Why??? answer is : at first, all the love already shown to the girls, he might thought that he get the girl.

but for me, even kind of bored, but....hold on man, hold on as usual, if stop! there will be something happen, i mean maybe argument, worse case will break up. but keep it up!!!!!

HEY GUYS!!! you get a girl, then take care of her, don't just because you bored of doing something that you did before then you ignore her, she has feeling, she will feel that you ignore her even she know that she's yours.

im not the only one who felt this, it just we don't realize, when somebody talked about it then...it comes out... pop out !!! what i know... "APPRECIATE those who loves you"

- changing -

Happy??? not really, but, this few days...my eyes... tired babe ! but its okay, just for you, i'm wiling to if this will make you happy, =)

i make a minion stuff toy for you, while im doing on it, my mind keep thinking, keep running, well.. it goes like this... why i want to do this? why should i? then the answer is, ngeeee..... just because you love lorh, what to do, this comes to my mind. Cant change it, even hurt, hurt, hurt and hurt agian. Weeee... few days ago, haih, conflict, until im goin crazy man. but for now, i know it doesnt change but i must accept it, its ok to be hurt again, only i feel, not you, so its ok.... =')

what a funny blog i read just now, my dear friend basung created a new blog, she asked me to teach her, hehe... i forget larh, slowly, step by step will go on well.... just like our relation.

fix fix fix fix fix fix.... never give up...

happy that this few nights i accompany you, even im sleepy, but i said before, im just here with you, never leave you alone... anyway, what happens before is just a past, and we learning from it, im trying to fight on it, how about you? hmmm....

along the way...

Just a long the way,

from KK to LD, from LD to KK,

back again from KK to SDKN,

SDKN to KK....

long long way, and my mind keep running,

im not bored on this long way on road trip,

my mum did! she tired of it...

actually, on road trip will be more fun,

just like what i know about something with it,

"nunuk ragang" a place that orang asli from there,

i'll visit there later with someone special...

along the way, my mind keep thinking of someone,

hard to say it, but real,

dislike on that person's action but still care,

why sometimes when we hurt but we still wanna go for it???

stupid???

i dont think so, but maybe this is how you care....

i keep on it, keep on thinking,

keep on doubting,

keep on and on.... what the...???

eeee.... my life,

when will i have what i want?

law of attractions, did i use it,

i dont think so.... =(

NOW, feel so so so lonely,

feel very far away, dont have the mood on study,

assignment? ngeee...... nope ! not now !

feel jealous, feel stupid,

but one day if i explode.... then you'll see who am i...

BOOOOMMMM !!!!!

MY HEART,,,,, arghhhhhh.....................

Everything come to me today.... until don't have the mood to update my blog, just wanna say....

I don't need a Perfect person to Love me, but I need a person that can make me feel I'M THE ONLY ONE.....

THE END !!!!

Caught in an accident...

Today, really thanks to God that I'm still alive. What a shock for me, it was all about a stupid car that rushing towards to the green light, and caused of trouble. After passenger drop by, a viva accidentally struck to our bus when the bus drove to the main road. Luckily, nobody hurt but so bad to the viva, well Economic car... what was funny was, you can heard girls shouting, awwwww... hurt my ears... but praise the LORD.

and today was our first kitchen, well quite boring, hmmm... ==|
we learned how to make salad, sandwich, canapé, and garnishing.... unfortunately, our batch still can fight with JUNIOR MASTERCHEF... I salute the kids babe, what ah.... (speechless)... But for me, I know that I can make it to what I want. Ill be the best as I can.

Conflict of Emotion...

As usual I went to college, today nobody took my place just like yesterday, so in the morning feel very great and funny. When I got in the bus, I've seated at behind with three guys, one....erm... usual larh, not really good looking(hehehe....), he just sat beside the window, and me... sat between the two guys and one of them caught my eye on him. Hahahaha, because he dress up very well, cool, tidy and he is good looking. That time 7.30am, and it was really jammed, well,in the bus quite silent perhaps just a silent death people bus... Suddenly, I feel vibrate on the sofa that I sat on, and it comes out with a freakyyyy sound like this.. "prreeeetttt"... Then I have a look on that "handsome guy", I thought it was his mobile, but then I realized that he holding his mobile, I know the other guy also holding his mobile, then I realized that maybe HE FART, because when I look at him, his face turn to red.... hahaha.... a vibration fart huh, cool man, and I connected.

Talk about my class today, hmmm nothing special, just gave me.... ya, i laugh, i talk but not concentrated, argh, how am I gonna get a good grade? Seriously wanna talk about my friends, yessss they are funny but sometimes not the right time. And, something really bother me today, and made me feel very stupid about myself, luckily mama advised and.... okay.....NO MORE NEXT TIME, don't be just like a slave. JANGAN LEMBUT HATI.....

Is just a DREAM ==|

First day to class, pissed me off when waiting for bus, I've been wait for 15minutes then a girl appear direct she rushing in front of me and took my place, I have to wait another bus... ngeee...... how bad is she....

western cookery...alarh jap jak, introduction trud blek... -BUANG MASA jak. After class, my friends and I wait for our next class at common room for THREE hours ok? hmmm.... I'm tired... but then luckily Juan and Carmen with me then Juan introduce me something fun. -LOMO- yay ! At first, a toy, fancy, cute... then when I have a look on it... I started to like it very much. I've decided, digital SLR... later la when I'm really pro.... for now... yess for me... LOMO-Minimo-... that i want. Hye I just woke up, and...eeeeeeee just a dream that i'd own a LOMO. ==| such a hopeless.... hmmm...but I knew it I'm gonna have it... Law of Attractions. Then, suddenly my mind come out with this... how about direct buy dslr and learn? But, i remember Carmen said, "you let people see what you see, no use on it if you bought a camera then you use AUTO!"
Yup! I agree... I start snapping with my HP... only a common HP.... no camera, but i know i'm doin well..."we just a beginner"..

I want LOMO....hehehehe... it is very old school, very natural... love it...

nampak dr blog c lala... bestfren la knon... hahaha


THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU :

April
Apo
Mei

THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE :

15 April
29 April
09 Sept

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES :

Brunch
Texting
Say Goodbye to dad & mum

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY :

Message ngan mama
Call mama
Play game

THREE PERSONS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST :

Cyarron
Euphrasia
Mama

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE :

Laptop
DSLR-Nikon
Something special on my day

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION :

Bali
Australia
Rome

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS :

Carrot Juice
Mineral Water- Healthy
Milo kosong kaw-kaw punya

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR SCHOOL BAG :

note book
charger
wallet

THREE FAVORITE COLORS :

Red
Black
White

TOP THREE HANGOUTS :

At home
Gaya street - college
Suria

TOP THREE YOU LOVE SO MUCH :

Mama
Family
My bestfren jak...

TOP THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU (things only) :

Wrist watch
Ring
Handphone

TOP THREE REASONS YOU ANSWER THIS SURVEY :

I want answer
Feel funny
Nothing to do

Lonely.... =(

Daddy, Mummy and my lil brother samboy they went back to LD... two doggy pun ikut...(maw jg)... sunyi rasanya tnpa gaduh ngan adeq...

i feel very lonely today, yay, but texting with mama ok la juga... trus dy call... hmm... she understand me a lot...yeah!! =)
i'd learnt something today, a post from a teacher, she said " we face a problem with a smile, forget what is past"
then, it comes to my mind, and i should did that... isn't it???

a calling comfort me a lot... miss a smile that very sweet... i knew it, is just my challenge. but it still...feel lonely, nothing to do, rather then do assignment...can't wait for my class.

a smile ^____^ .... Thanks...

ya, i start my blog again, nothing special....
know sometimes i just feel lonely when mama ni hmmm... but...pham la....
orang buzy... tetapi....

what's in my mind, seriously somttimes i just dont understand,,,
a person did taught me a lot, (is she) =) hehehe....
hmmm... a lot a lot a lot.... from her,,, i learnt how to be patient....
a lot of idea came out from my this little brain and i can seriously make a person went from bad mud to this ^_________^

heee.....might be my talent... ceh puji diri... hahaha...kilik...
but when a smile on a person face, thats comfort me, and i believe a smile can heal a person wound... its really comfort... =)

so smile jak..... like this ^_____^

Been long time didn't update, what i'd learned?
blogger, hmm... i learned a lot, im glad, im happy about myself that i'd grown up....
what had happen just past, i knew i cant rewind and just fix it. im happy with my life now.

owh ya, i'd done my second semester ! yay !
time goes by, is Merdeka, is Raya.
Bulan Ramadhan, i did fast, i feel great in fasting, very happy,
haha, now im excited Hari Raya, even im not muslim, but they say, 1Malaysia !

thats all about my life now....

to be continue.....

Holiday...

Holiday...great... It shuld be. But...
Im happy but... Something still bothering my happy moment! Really stress... Shhh...hee, at morning only i feel happy, but at night, hmm....only one person understand me,, always support me, always be myside, thank you very much to tutt... Hee... I miss tutt...
Back Lahad Datu,, it should be great and happy, ya, feel very comfortable and im free of lots of stressful...but have to solve some problems also.... Hmm...problems non-stop,, keep coming towards me, but im strong enough, i'll not easliy give up, tutt always guide me, thanks gain. I can do it, i can face it.

I'm Blurr....

Why is this happen to me?? Ya, I admit, I attract it! I knew how the games play, but sometimes I just can't control myself to keep thinking of it, and I just without realize I attract it. But luckily somebody will remind me. Erm, talking about human, now i just realize that sometimes even you trust the person, they can just even betray you. So sometimes we should be selfish to keep go on in this LIFE. God create human, God sometimes test us. That's why there is Dark & White. I am being through this situation. Very hard, very tired, very hard feel, very sad and the worse is I don't know what to do????? BLURRRRR... @.@

Why when i get close to someone that I love must be trouble?? Must jealousy, sadness, arguement, and bla bla bla...... Hate it....!!!!!!!!!! Please larh, please don't think negative, don't make such a foolish things that might make us quarrel. Think twice, think wisely! Hey we are adult, not like my lil brother just 4 years old CHILDISH! In some situation, we cannot control the flow. BUT, but please don't make it worse. Some situation, we can't hold in tight what we want. Just like when you love that person then the person close to others. You can't hold their privacy. Sometimes should let it be, let them get close try to trust it, don't JEALOUS.. please don't, it is childish...!!! what for?? as long as the one you love still remember you, still respect you and still love you. ~UNDERSTAND THIS MSG~

~Sadness is back~

SunDay~ As usual, go to church, family day. I'm really bad, I went to mass but I didn't concentrate to the wording. BAD...too bad... besides, I don't know chinese well. Hee... hmm...after church we went to merdeka supermarket before going home. From church to home, we must pass by Hospital Queen Elizabeth. Arghh...damn it,, I hate to see there, and if can I don't even want to pass by there. QE, a very sadness place for me. At there, I felt the most heart break and break down ever before. Arghh.... my grandpa passaway at here QE. What the... but I know GOD love him more than us. It is early in the morning, at 6am something, I got a call from hospital. The whole night, I can't slept, because I felt something gonna happen and besides I'm worried about my grandpa. That night, 22nd of Oct 2009, grandpa rushed to hospital for emergency. And all that night, my aunty and my mummy stayed back and look after my grandpa. At that time, grandpa was paralyze. After I got the call from my mum, my mum said, come to hospital right now because your grandpa was critical, actually grandpa passaway when mum call me. I thought that grandpa will be fine, but then, when I rushed to QE with my brother, it was too late, too late to talk to him, too late to see him for the last, too late for evrything. I rushed there and I saw evrybody was crying and my mum and dad break down, then I near to grandpa then I saw grandpa......is too late, I then kept calling him, but there's no respond, I kept wake him but... Thats the first time I felt how was the feeling when lost our beloved. Grandpa he loves us, until now I can't forget his last words to me. I can't forget the situation when i rushed to QE and saw him... even for few months he left us, but his loves still with us, his blood still flowing in my body. I know that he been watching me all along my way. He care us a lot. He guide us alot. Remember that, he touch me drove, he is the one who always support me to sport. Grandpa loves sport, and he cares his health very much. He always jog and will bring all of us to jog. Know what? When he is around, every morning he will be prepare breakfast for us, prepare all the vitamins for us. He cooked oatmeal, and do my fav milo. Now, all this I have to do by my own. I really miss him a lot. I dreamt if grandpam but I forgot bout it. I miss him, and until now I can't forget the moment he left us. ~Love you lolo~

My true FEELING-maybe la....

Since form one, 2nd of September 2004. Hahaha, I still remember that I cut my hair to boy-cut. Ya I love short hair since that day. Why? I'm not sure, but its really Comfy and relax. since I cut this hair, then I became famous at school, some of them try to cut it also. Ya, the teacher did warning me also, but I don't care, the book rules didn't say that girls cannot have a short hair. DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? Haha... then until now I'm still having this short hair. And my favorite style was the Rihanna style, and I did cut that style and went to NS, great and comfy, new hair style, new look, and look fresh for me. But... I know people look at me differently. If girls that having short hair they will think that she is er....they call it as pengkid? Why? Since i cut this hair style I'm ready to face this situation. Is ok, I don't mind. As long as I'm not! (really?) hahaha... My friends they did told me, the first day I came to college they thought me are 'that kind'. See....why human keep thinking negative? Well humanity... Sometimes I care what they said, but what to do? that's their thinking.I can't stop them. I just can keep quiet, hide aside and cry. April, why you should cry? Why you should care what they said. Don't ever let then spoil your life. Ya, I realize now. It doesn't care what they said, as long as I know MYSELF, my family know me, and my friends know me. Being talked like that for six years, WOW WHAT A LONG TIME!... I'm used to it already, but sometimes I'm weak and.....hmmm... After I said this word- THIS IS THE FIRST AND THIS IS THE LAST, a very touching word touched my heart and I...arghhhh.... it is really touch my heart! i want to thanks TUT... ( i don't want to mention)... this word comes like this, 'I DONT WANT THE OTHERS LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY', and that moment I'm speechless and arghhh touch me... all i want to say is... sometimes i'm weak to accept but i'll try to change it. Even my appearance look different, looks like tomboy, but....err... i have nothing to say. it is up to them what they want to think of me. and i'm really really hurt when m very own friend that knew me for few years then think of me the same way as the others, that really hurt me a lot. why? am i alien to be seen like that? HUMANITY.... but who am i to judge? i just be myself, try to be perfect, ( ya i know, nobody was perfect) but at least i try right? Is good to try than not trying it. BE MYSELF.. but sometimes I need guideline, I need care, I need love, I need attention...hmmm.... I just can hide and cry!!!

My X-sam.....Practical

Friday-9th of April 2010. My first time exam on cooking in the college. Ya, it is nervous and excited. It was my first semester and also the others. Thanks to my group member; Alesas and Aeron. They help a lot, and we did had a great teamwork. Wed one it very well and also thanks to chef Jack. He touch us all the cooking, the skills(of course he must, we pay the college) heee..... On that day, we've been given three recipes: 1) mushroom soup 2)fried noodle and 3)omelet. Ya it seems like easy, but need to care the cleanliness while cooking and the texture. We've been given er...if not wrong is about two and a half hours. Maybe! We first collect all the ingredients then start chopping mincing and bla bla bla... We cook the fried noodles and the roux of mushroom soup while waiting the chicken stock. At last, then I cook the omelet. And for me, I give my self and my group 80%, we done it very well. We so proud. But we still don't know the marks. Its ok, as long as we did our best. One thing that makes us laugh was, when chef Jack try our soup, he said hahaha...seems like there's sperm inside. and im thinking....eeeewwwww.......!!! Anyway, I still don't know who is Chef was, but...hahaha TUT...... -culinary arts-

My NeedeD? Is it...?

You can care about me and just deem that I'm not around.
BUT, there's nothing can change my feeling to you.
I'm sure that, at a moment it will be occur.
You will LOVE me, and never ever want to let me go.
I want to accompany you, I wanted to Love your weakness.
Always ready to give joy / let you be the most blissful person in the world.
No matter what happen, I'll be there for you.
Eventhough you are far away from me, but I know that and I believe that you LOVE me.
Besides, you will never let me go.
I want you, I want you for the rest of my life, accompany you, to love you and to make you happy. I consent to hurt before to let our journey be blissful.
Remember that, I knew this was wrong, I knew cant get anything, it doesnt make sense, but really happen to us. Just remember that this weird feeling happening now, it really happen, just let it be, time will change us. But if can i really want to love u only, The ONLY ONE!!! I rather to do anything, I knew it cant happen, but What I want you to know that I really love you and cant let you go!!! We just love each other, that's enough for me!!! LOVE you!!!

GOd has his own reason when made 'US',
and that means every HUMAN that came to this universe have to obey to the Lord.
Lord never forget that to grant us very unique 'facilities'and it name 'TALENT'.
Then if our human can find our own 'Talent' that means can find the way of success.
And to get the 'ticket' to the way(heaven), that must through our beloved mum's praying. Because in the eye of Lord, mum is the one who is the greatest position ever. This will let us remember to the elder people and to obey them to get the 'ticket'. Amen.

At a time before, there is a baby was ready to be born to the earth,

Before he came to the earth, he asked the LORD:
"All the angels said, You are goin to send me to the earth by tomorrow, but then how am I gonna survive? And I'm too small and so weak?"

Then Lord answered:
"I'd choose an angel for you and will take care of you."

"But in the heaven I just sing and laugh, this is enough for me" said the baby.

Lord answered: "Your angel will sing for you and smile for you every day, and you will feel the 'love'.

Baby asked: "But what can I do when I want to talk to You?"

Once again the Lord said: "your angel will teach you the way of praying."

But the baby asked gain: "I heard that there is a lot of bad people, so who is going to protect me?"

Lord answered gain: "your angle will protect you."

The baby asked again: "But I will sad if I cant meet You and see You."

HE answered: "your angel will tell you about me and will teach you how to come back to ME."

At that moment the heaven were silent.....

The baby asked to the Lord: "Lord, if I had to go now, would You tell me my angel's name?"

Then Lord said: " You will call your angel as a 'MUM'."

Remember our Mum's love,

she always cry for us when we are leaving far away from her,

Do we remember that our mum willing not to sleep just for taking care of us when we are sick? Do we remember that 'she' cry when we are sick? When we are in trouble, and even when we are wrong?

We should take time and go back home and visit our beloved mum that are waiting for us even midnight. back home and ask for forgiveness from Her that always smiling at us.

Please take some time even we are busy to visit Her, it is a hard thing for Her that the kids are far away from Her.

Don't let ourself regret, do it right now. Don't waste our time. DO RESPECT OUR MOM!
After this post......what do we think??? One day, for the girl will become a mother also, so respect our mom, and our next generation will do so. Lord will guide us. Amen.

What happen to me???

Argghhh,,,, what my aunty said was true, why am I so stupid? why i always think the others but don't think about myself? When I do something for them, did they appreciate it? NO! Exactly no. NEVER! But maybe some of it? We don't know? Sometimes I help the others but I really forgot about myself. Why? What did i get? Arghh.... STUPID!!! April, please wake up, humanity are very sellfish. Then what you get now APRIL? arghh... I get stress, i attract it comes. April remember 'LAW OF ATTRACTIONS', you forgot? Think yourself first then think the others. Yaya... I oalways like this, why? Don't know. But for now is enough for me, stop thinking the others, but think of myself first, help myself first. I'm very exhausted, really! Thanks to my beloved aunty! Love you so much. Ya, stop explaining to 'them'. They not VIP, they not my parents. I no need explain more to them, is enough for me. Ya true frens will listen to you. Don't know when I'll get it. sometimes being popular is very tired, but now ENOUGH! I realize that sometimes people should be sellfish so that life can go on easily. This is how the games play. I knew it now. From now on, I'll stop explaining, its depend on them want to believe or not, the main is my parents. Lord, please give me strength and dwell in me lord. Guide me Lord, I need you by myside, nowadays my parents are far from me, guide me and show me the way. Amen.
Lastly gain, April, be strong and don't be Stupid anymore. Don't attract 'IT' come.

I'm back again! Ermmm......hmmmmm!!! Today, 12 of March 2010, erm I feel so weird, so uncomfortable, feel sad, feel upset and also happy! Aik? Happy? actually not really. Just pretend HAPPY! Erm today Friday, no meat, and today was our herbs and spices midterm test. Feel nothng and I did my best. Ill prove it to my family that I can do. Then what I really feel today was afraid and mad. I'm afraid that somebody will mad at me because I can't go to pulau. Then, because of me the trip to pulau was cancel. Arghhh....what a stressfull feeling. But what can I do? My parents don't let me go, then I should listen to them. But then, I don't know why, why i can't go then the trip was cancel. Someone will angry. Im so sorry to say this but I really can't go. Hopefully they understand me. Then today I feel the sadness and madness around me. Wow! What the...... erm why ah? If I close to one person must have problem ah? I don't know why? Then, a person that I everyday close to was tryng to avoid from me, I think?? Don't know and not sure??? Blurrr...but I can feel somthing was going wrong around me. something was changing, something was annoying. Arghhh..... Somebody help me.... I care the others but why this happen????? why???