My true FEELING-maybe la....

Since form one, 2nd of September 2004. Hahaha, I still remember that I cut my hair to boy-cut. Ya I love short hair since that day. Why? I'm not sure, but its really Comfy and relax. since I cut this hair, then I became famous at school, some of them try to cut it also. Ya, the teacher did warning me also, but I don't care, the book rules didn't say that girls cannot have a short hair. DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? Haha... then until now I'm still having this short hair. And my favorite style was the Rihanna style, and I did cut that style and went to NS, great and comfy, new hair style, new look, and look fresh for me. But... I know people look at me differently. If girls that having short hair they will think that she is er....they call it as pengkid? Why? Since i cut this hair style I'm ready to face this situation. Is ok, I don't mind. As long as I'm not! (really?) hahaha... My friends they did told me, the first day I came to college they thought me are 'that kind'. See....why human keep thinking negative? Well humanity... Sometimes I care what they said, but what to do? that's their thinking.I can't stop them. I just can keep quiet, hide aside and cry. April, why you should cry? Why you should care what they said. Don't ever let then spoil your life. Ya, I realize now. It doesn't care what they said, as long as I know MYSELF, my family know me, and my friends know me. Being talked like that for six years, WOW WHAT A LONG TIME!... I'm used to it already, but sometimes I'm weak and.....hmmm... After I said this word- THIS IS THE FIRST AND THIS IS THE LAST, a very touching word touched my heart and I...arghhhh.... it is really touch my heart! i want to thanks TUT... ( i don't want to mention)... this word comes like this, 'I DONT WANT THE OTHERS LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY', and that moment I'm speechless and arghhh touch me... all i want to say is... sometimes i'm weak to accept but i'll try to change it. Even my appearance look different, looks like tomboy, but....err... i have nothing to say. it is up to them what they want to think of me. and i'm really really hurt when m very own friend that knew me for few years then think of me the same way as the others, that really hurt me a lot. why? am i alien to be seen like that? HUMANITY.... but who am i to judge? i just be myself, try to be perfect, ( ya i know, nobody was perfect) but at least i try right? Is good to try than not trying it. BE MYSELF.. but sometimes I need guideline, I need care, I need love, I need attention...hmmm.... I just can hide and cry!!!